This morning I received a message. Multiple messages actually, like most days. I was journaling with a cup of tea, by the pool in the early morning sun.

Yet, this morning was different.
Maybe not even a message. A summoning. A command.

Quiet. Calm. Determined.

A Divine message.

And it said this - “It’s time.”



Since I wrote and shared a week and half ago, about not being able to keep up with my art, the messages, and the writings, poems, jewellery - EVERYTHING, I have been VERY unwell.

A couple of hours after I wrote, released and shared those most raw and real and deep truths with the world and you, my ENTIRE body started to ache.

A fever came over me. Then sweats.

And there I lay in my bed, here in Bali, curled up in the foetal position for 36 hours straight.

Lying there, my muscles, joints, BONES ACHING. I felt like my body was on fire. Sweat pouring from me as I lay in the silent air-conditioned room.

I lay there staring at my water bottle, without the strength to reach out my arm to grab it and drink.

Alone, single, sick, foreign country. I had no choice but to just let go.

So I slept. In and out of consciousness, as the fever took hold of me, and the deep ACHING took over my every CELL and every FIBRE OF MY BEING.



After 36 hours, I crawled out, and placed myself in the lounge by the pool. Hunched, depleted, but alive. I slept all day and I thought I was coming good.
But no. Not yet.

And back to bed I went. The fever, the sweats, the aches and this time the dreaded Belly taking over.

Another 36 hours passed and I again crawled out of my dark, air-conditioned room. I’ll give this another go I thought. Plonked myself in the morning sun by the pool. Still hunched and depleted. I even managed to eat dinner out Sunday night...but then it crept through my body, my cells, MY BEING again…

And back to bed I went to sleep, to rest...for another 36 hours.



As I lay in bed, on Monday, now up to day 8, I thought about how I had not opened my laptop in a week.

It was the first time that I have done that in ???

Ever? Since before?

Since before when I USED TO BE A FULL TIME ARTIST.

In a proper STUDIO!

Making and creating all day long.

Yes, maybe, not since back then...

And, I thought about how much I had slept in that week. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept so much over a week, throughout the day and night.

So much sleep. So much rest. So much surrender to everything that was happening.



Wednesday, just gone, 10 days after the writing, the releasing, the sharing of the HEARTBREAK of my ART...I emerged.
Still depleted, but different.

I felt peaceful, thankful, blessed - to be alive, to have freedom, to and I felt called to share and release the piece on Depression for all of YOU that know it and needed it.



Today, I feel like a shift has happened.

A weight has been purged.
A veil has raised.
A cloud has cleared.



The burden of the ART has lifted.

The burden of the MESSAGE has lifted.

The burden of the LEADERSHIP has lifted.

And -

The resentment of IT ALL...evaporated.

And, then IT CAME THROUGH.

Quiet. Calm. Determined.

Lauren - It’s time.

Art. Message. Lead.

So it must be.

 
Lauren Raso
 

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