It’s the shame that you feel
That rises up
Fills your cells
And...
Envelops your body.

It fills your lungs
Restricting your breathing
Tightening your chest
And...
Creeps up in your throat.

It fills your throat
You can feel it literally
Choking you
And...
You can barely breath

And it breaks your heart.

From the inside out.

The SHAME.
The SHAME you feel.
The SHAME of it all.

The failures.

And

The SHAME of it.

You walk around
You do your “do”
You try so damn hard

But..

In the shame of your failures.

And...

In the guilt of it all.

Of where you are.
Of where you are NOT.
Of where you thought you would BE BY NOW.
Of everything you thought you would be LIVING by now.

Of the lean hot body that never reveals itself.

Of the thriving health that doesn't seem to come despite all your healing efforts.

Of the soul-soaring relationship and sex that eludes you.
Or the one breakdown of the one you're in or just ended.

Of the business that you just never seem to start!
Or get flowing with ease.

Of the abundance and success that you thought you would be living, breathing and experiencing.

Then...
You think about your AGE
All those years
That have passed

And even though they say it doesn’t matter
That it’s JUST a number
You sit there

Thinking...

In honest DISBELIEF...

What the ACTUAL f@ck?!?

And then...

The SHAME rises
Envelops you
Fills your cells
Tightens around your throat
Restricting your breathing
Choking you
The tears well up

And...

All you want to do is disappear, give up, curl up in bed...for a long, long time…

AS YOUR SHAME BREAKS YOU OWN HEART.

Into a million little pieces.

And you wonder for the umpteenth time...

When will this feeling go away?
And how much more can you take?

As it fills your cells
And your throat tightens
And you Sit there, Lie there

SWATHED in SHAME.

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